A Facebook memory popped up this week, showing me all glammed up for a night out with the school mums.
It was eight years ago. I looked tiny. Anxiety was keeping the weight off. I was living in a constant state of high alert. My jaw was clenched, my body so tense. I looked lovely, but when I look back now, I can see the worry in my eyes.
I was planning ahead, overanalyzing and playing events forward. What would I drink? How drunk would I get? How would I get home? What would I be doing the next day? Could I get out of it if I was hungover?
At the meal I would eat the food, but I wouldn’t really enjoy it, savor it. I would just use it as an accompaniment to my Prosecco.
The morning after replaying it all back. What did I say? What did I do? Did I make an idiot out of myself in front of the other mums? What did they think of me? How would they judge me? Approach me in the playground on Monday morning?
It was exhausting. My brain never stopped.
Now I’m in control. I’m present. I definitely enjoy the food more, but that’s OK. I am a healthy weight, especially when I’m navigating perimenopause. My head is not filled with thoughts of judgment.
The night out is only a part of the weekend, not the sole focus. I still have the day leading up, plus the day after to enjoy too.
I wanted more out of life than alcohol was delivering, and I damn well got it.
If you want more, check out our online community, where we support each other on our alcohol free journeys!
We hope to see you there!
– Karen
